My neighbor is running a “spiritual cleanse” with a leaf blower and three expired candles.

I don’t know what Pluto is doing right now but it has my street acting possessed. My neighbor has decided he is anointed. Not “I found myself” anointed—like “I am the chosen one and the HOA is demonic” anointed. Every morning at 6:07am he walks outside, lights three candles on a folding table (they’re the ones you get at the dollar store), and starts leaf-blowing the driveway while yelling affirmations at passing cars. “NEGATIVITY EXIT MY CUL-DE-SAC!” Ma’am. Sir. The only thing exiting is my patience. Yesterday he tried to “cleanse” my porch by throwing salt in a spiral pattern and then he asked if he could “charge” my doorbell camera under the moon. I said no. He looked disappointed like I just denied him his destiny. Now he’s offering “spiritual consultations” for $40 and a pack of generic cigarettes. If you see a grown man waving sage at a mailbox… just keep driving and don’t make eye contact.